A letter for when it’s time to walk away.
I know this is not the most personal way to do this, but it’s hard for me to face you without getting sucked back in to your insanity.
You have been such an important part of my life that I am not entirely sure who I am without you. Since I was eight years old, you have whispered in my ear that I need to count every morsel of food that passes my lips.
I know you meant well, but it didn’t really work out. Counting calories, weighing food, measuring portions, and judging myself based on that precision really backfired. I didn’t end up with a perfect body, or have higher self-esteem, and I wasn’t even reasonably happy.
Because our relationship was built on a lie.
As it turns out, I don’t need you to have all the most important things in life. Everything I want – friends, family, career, love – all come from inside me, after all. It kind of sounds like Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz, doesn’t it?
That doesn’t mean that we didn’t have some good times. Every time you called my name, I had a burst of energy and hope. It seemed like you were leading me on a path to my life’s dreams.
But you always ruined it. Time after time, you lied. Every time I put my trust in you, I ended up distrusting myself. The worst part about all of this is that you made me doubt my own intuition – my own internal wisdom about how to care for and feed myself. But I’m excited to start fresh.
You are the reason I have actually gained weight over the years. You are the reason I feel like I can’t control myself around a plate of French fries. You are the reason I thought I was addicted to sugar. (I have since found out that I am not addicted to sugar – you just made me think that, and thinking that made it as good as real.)
I know we’ve been on-and-off forever. But it’s time to be off for good.
I’m breaking up with you, Diet. I’m supposed to say this will hurt me more than you. But I am actually not hurt by this decision. It’s a bit scary, but so worth it. And I know that you aren’t hurt at all, because – well, you’re just a theoretical concept.
I am also supposed to wish you well, yadda yadda yadda, but I really wish you’d just go far, far away and not bother anyone else ever again. And please take your crazy detox-body-wraps friend with you.
A Stronger Me